I remember the summer before my oldest daughter would start Kindergarten. I heard awful things about the quality of education at the school she would attend, but the thought of homeschooling scared me. Would my child turn out as a socially awkward adult because of my decision? Honestly, I had met a couple homeschooling families that did make me nervous that this could be the case, but after I decided to try it for a year, I found normal homeschooled children everywhere! I’ve learned quite a bit since then.
First, we all notice those that stand out. We have stereotypes of individuals based on activities (peppy cheerleader, dumb athlete), religion, occupation, and more. Most people in all of these categories don’t fit the stereotype, but, of course, there are always a few that seem almost exaggerated examples that perfectly fit the stereotype. These are the ones we notice. The same is true about homeschooling families.
I remember a smart, little freshman in high school purposely bumping into as many students as possible as he bounced like a ping pong ball down the halls. There were also the quiet girls who hid in the corners of the classroom hoping not to be noticed. Being public schooled is not a guarantee of a socially adept child; in fact, it may make it more difficult. Richard G. Medlin, Ph.D. published a research article entitled, “Homeschooled Children’s Social Skills.” His article echoed many others that found that homeschooled children actually ranked higher than traditionally schooled children on various social scales. He referenced a study where naive observers watched a large group of children participating in activities together and graded each child on their social interactions.
“Shyers described the traditionally schooled children as ‘aggressive, loud, and competitive’ (1992b, p. 6). In contrast, the homeschooled children acted in friendly, positive ways. He noted that they introduced themselves, initiated conversation, cooperated with others, invited uninvolved children to join them in play, took turns, let others know it was alright if they lost a game, and even “exchanged addresses and phone numbers for future contact.”
It seems that parents have more work to do on preparing their children socially when their children are traditionally schooled. Why do homeschooled children score higher on social scales than their peers? Many believe it comes from the unfortunate lessons learned during a typical traditional schooling education. Some of those many of us came across included:
I only socialize with those my same age. Those younger than I am are beneath me, and those older than I am don’t want to socialize with me.
It is not cool to do better than everyone else in class. You are a “nerd,” “show-off,” or “goody-goody.”
Many of the “cool kids” are not nice to others. If I’m not nice, they might like me more….
Homeschooled families usually pick and choose activities to give their children more opportunities for social interactions in environments that will help them learn and grow. These include, but are not limited to sports, church youth groups, clubs, homeschool coops or groups, interest groups, and choirs.
But what about the homeschooled children that fit the stereotype? Those same personalities are found everywhere, in and out of traditional school. Every one of our children comes with a unique personality. I have personally found that the parents’ motivation for homeschooling and their attitudes and beliefs have more of an effect on their social health than any other factor. If you homeschool with the desire to shield your child from society and its evils and give them a sheltered life, you will raise children awkward and afraid when they finally go out as adults. If you homeschool with the desire to raise your children into adults who can make the world a better place and come out with a love of learning and desire to continue to grow throughout their life, studies show that your odds of accomplishing this are great!
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